Devious Journal Entry

don't read my journals. tw.




before anyone else attacks me ive no one to talk to instead. this is a vent account. if you're offended by this; leave. once again this is a vent account.



you telling me my fear is invalid doesn't make me not feel it
you yelling and screaming at me that I'm stupid does not make me feel less afraid
you telling me that my fear is "not fucking valid" does not make it so in my mind
you telling me I'm overreacting and that every teenager goes through the same damn thing, does not make my fears go away
you telling me that my anxiety is invalid and not real does not make it go away, it doesn't stop me from shaking
you not listening when I tell you that I need a councillor for years and telling me to "go do it yourself" did not make it any better
now that ive done so, you constantly screaming that what I feel and have now been confirmed with is invalid does not help
it makes it all worse

and I cant say this to you
because then you'll start blaming yourself again and you'll be more upset and yell more
I understand I'm not a good child, and ive a rather pathetic mind
I'm sorry

I'm sorry for being scared
I'm sorry for being so sad all the time
I'm sorry for wanting to die

but I'm not making it up. if my feelings aren't valid, I wouldn't be feeling them over and over like this
I wouldn't come so low as to seek help from others because you wouldn't help me instead

I'm sorry I cause fights
I'm sorry this happened

I probably could have prevented it some how. But I don't know how
im sorry